


Screw It, Let's Do Aliens

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Authorial Sarcasm, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Coda, Crack, Episode: s09e12 Sharp Teeth, Gen, Humor, Parody, Season/Series 09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-29
Updated: 2014-01-29
Packaged: 2018-01-10 11:37:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1159253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The next logical step for Supernatural.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Screw It, Let's Do Aliens

**Author's Note:**

> ...Sorry.

“I’m poison, Sammy,” Dean said, his green eyes misting.

“Yeah, you said that already,” Sam frowned. “Like a hundred times this season alone.”

“Well, that’s because it’s true.”

“Come on Dean, we both know it’s me who dooms everyone I care even a relatively small amount about. Seriously, when was the last time either of us heard from one of my ex-girlfriends?”

“Hey, we saw Sarah not that long ago—oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, us being brothers can probably fix that somehow too, right?” Dean’s eyebrows drew together, the dull light shining down from the overcast sky to illuminate his grim expression.

“But I don’t know if we can even be brothers anymore, Dean,” Sam said. “I don’t know if I can trust you anymore. Just like back when you sold your soul for me without even asking my permission—”

“But you were dead at the time—” Dean interrupted, but Sam cut him off.

“So? How many times have we talked to dead people, Dean?”

“What does this have to do with anyth—”

“Look, just. I don’t know if I can be your bro anymore. Everything bad happened because we’re brothers. We’ve talked about this before.”

“Yeah, and we decided that it was better for us to stick together as a family,” Dean reminded him.

“Well,” Sam shrugged, “it’s season nine and things are different.”

“Bullshit,” Dean said. “Things are exactly the same. We’ve been here a billion times.”

“But if things are generally okay then why did you insist on running away from me the episode before last? Besides, wasn’t that a little bit repetitive?”

“No way was it repetitive. I got to have sassy interactions with Crowley. You had bonding time with Cas. You guys have been fucking things up alongside each other for five and a half seasons now and you’d barely even talked about it before last episode. It was totally time for you to hug and have a fanfiction moment.”

Suddenly a deafening sound filled the air. It was buzzing and electronic and it vibrated dizzyingly, filling the Winchesters’ ears a bit like dubstep.

“What is this crap?” Dean asked. “Turn it down!”

“No way, earthlings,” a strange, disembodied voice said from somewhere up above them.

“Earthlings? Dean, you don’t think it could be—”

“Yes,” the voice replied before Sam could finish. “We are definitely aliens.”

“But—” Dean began to protest that aliens didn’t exist, not when Gabriel wasn’t around, but then he remembered that it was season nine, and the entire episode had already been dedicated to totally altering the show’s mythology and making it much more like Teen Wolf’s. Besides, he hadn’t believed in angels at first either.

The dubstep noises got louder still, and a glowing green light beamed down and enveloped Sam and Dean.

The next moment, they were standing in a huge hall, at the foot of what appeared to be a throne. Atop this throne sat a woman with shiny purple skin, wearing a leopard print bikini and a leather jacket. Dean considered flirting with her but decided that since she was wearing a leather jacket it was most likely that she would turn out to be evil and he probably shouldn’t.

“I’d say we come in peace,” the alien queen said, “but we totally don’t. We’re here to declare war on planet earth. You human bitches will bow before me, the mighty Shaniqua, and I will beam you off this tired planet to become sexy slaves in my homeland on the other side of the universe.”

Sam and Dean gasped in unison.

“We have to be brothers again!” they both exclaimed. “We must save the world! It is a burden we must bear, again.”

They shared a meaningful glance.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Dean asked his newly reinstated brother.

“I don’t know Dean, are you wondering how on earth we’re going to research about this alien shit?”

“Nope,” said Dean with a grin. “I was thinking about how we can totally be Han Solo and Chewbacca now.”

_The End (Seriously, please make it stop)_

 


End file.
